So, I finally got around to reading comics again. Most readers have recommended that I look at ComiXology for their book programs. Which they have a similar program to their book counterparts at Kindle Unlimited. As such, I got to read America by Gabby Rivera. That’s 15 minutes I want back.
The entirety of the first issue is to hype up America Chavez as this übermensch like woman. The story starts out with a random “man on the street” masturbatory segment where people are saying how great this character is. And if you do find a copy, you’re going to find a self inserted moment.
On page two, there is a self insert of Gabby herself praising her own character. And before you talk about Stan Lee’s cameos, you have to remember he was in on the joke. He made himself an Easter egg for his amusement.
And then we get to America and her antics with The Ultimates and the issues with continuity fail. Go back to page one where the Ultimates are listed as weekend warriors. Fail. And that America was the best thing about Young Avengers. Wrong.
As much as I would begrudge HawkFeminist, Kate was the backbone of Young Avengers. And America was a Janie Come Lately to that series. Sorry, Gabby. You should learn to continuity this stuff. It may help from getting cancelled. Wait, you did get cancelled…
I almost want to feel sorry for this series getting ganked, but then you see Joe Quinones drawing a scene under her direction that steals the legendary punch from Steve Rogers’ Captain America. And then you just go “Fuck this story.” (TM, Jim Cornette.) It’s patronizing work, to be blunt.
The story is crap. The characters are patronizing. The language is garbage. And every single thing is a checklist around these stories. In fact, let’s go ahead and do the handy dandy checklist so that I can sound like less of an asshole than I think anyone from the regressive left thinks I may already be. (By the way, I’m a Libertarian. I’m also Latino. Go guilt someone else.)
The Shit List:
- Queer Latina (fuck your X).
- Adolf Hitler.
- First on list upstaging original hero (who was created by a Jew.)
- Ghetto slang.
- Sotomayor University.
- The Intergalatic House of Unnecessary Bullshit Diversity Courses.
- Using someone else for homework. (Another minority, so it’s okay.)
- Heroes pandering on page one through thirty-four.
- That Captain America Steal!
- Masturbatory language.
America was created by guys who left SJW Marvel long ago. Gabby Rivera ended up ruining that character by self-inserts and checklist writing. America has been around forever with team books, and after this year of embarrassment… Maybe that’s where America needs to go, back into the teams until she learns humility. And trust me, America has great roots. She did, but Axel Alonso bringing along Diversity in Marvel ruined it.
When art and comics become overly political, it loses the core audience. And no, it’s not White Anglo-Saxon Protestants. They’re a part of it, but not all of it. And for those who think Latinos are offended… “CHINGADA TU MADRE.” I was trying not to puke reading the book. And I am in that checkmark category of Hispanic.
And Gabby, if you read this. My full name is Jaime Ricardo Roberto Hinojosa-Brown. I’m one of those heterosexual, masculine, half Latins you hate. May you go back to polluting Young Adult novels, and go the fuck away from creating comics.